Affirmations Are Dangerous
I was scrolling on Twitter recently and came across a profile who shared one of the many quote’s that made Dr. Jordan Peterson famous;
“In order to be able to think, you have to risk being offensive”.
This got me thinking… While friends will often say and do as many things they can to appease you because they dont want to end up on your hate list, there is a fine line here that has been lost in many ways.
You see, we strive too much to affirm the people we care about, to only view their side of the story and agree with whatever narrative they have - even if it isn't the most logical or truthful.
Why? Because we like the easy route and the one with less conflict.
Have you ever stopped to consider the ramifications this change in behaviour has had on us throughout generations of evolution? Have you ever stopped to wonder if it has made us a weaker species?
Everyone wants to feel validated, but rather than getting that ego boost through genuinely aiming high and doing something good, many are growing up and getting it by doing things like posting a cute selfie with an inspirational quote they copied off a google search as the caption.
The truth is, we want to feel validated and good enough so desperately that we have relationships that lack the honesty and opinions we need to figure out just where we stand in this world. How is one suppose to learn how to behave accordingly in society if (from a young age) they are only ever told how good they’re doing. They’re given a trophy - even when they didn’t put in the hard work to win. They are believed without question… even when they are lying.
Yes, your feelings are valid but your reactions often aren't.
Yes, your feelings are valid but how you’re allowing them to control your tongue is often not.
You are far from perfect, you have a lot of work to do and to stop putting in the effort into your own mental wellbeing and self awareness simply because you have chosen the easy route whereby instead of listening to those who are bringing you down to earth and giving you the tools to reflect on your thoughts, patterns and behaviors; You defenestrate them.
You speak poorly of them and you keep your bubble safe. Only making room for the air that makes you feel good. Yes, you should have a social circle that is supportive, caring and compassionate but it's incredibly important to not solely rely on people who assert your position.
Make room for those opinions, views and different takeaways that contradict what you believe. Learning is one of the most valuable things we can do and you will never learn from your mistakes if you are only seeking advice from people who are afraid to question you or tell you a version of reality from a perspective you don’t want to hear.
In today’s individualistic ideology many of us have fallen victim to, this is a challenging thing to tackle. Given that what we see all around us are people who disagree, defend and defame. No where in the most common every-day interactions we are given to emulate, do we observe listening, understanding and critical thinking.
Jasmin Laine
