“Nice Guys” DO Finish Last
After many years of deep self-reflection and taking the time to consider emotional attachments, trauma responses and all the excuses we use to justify our poor judgement. I think I’ve finally come up with a logical enough reason for such a saying “nice guys finish last” to have real validity to it – rather than solely being something self-proclaimed ‘nice guys’ say as an excuse for why they have not had luck in finding a soul mate.
However, I would typically view any man who describes himself as a ‘nice guy’ is most likely to be displaying narcissistic personality traits. That goes for just about anyone who takes pride in their “nice-ness”. I have always cringed when someone has to tell you how great they are. Truly great people, selfless and kind people do not need to seek any validation for their behaviour – and certainly won't tell you and brag about it.
Back to the original point, nice guys DO finish last. Though, I have yet to be convinced it has anything to do with them being so gosh darn “nice” and more to do with the monsters hiding under the bed of their prospective lovers.
When you think about it, most women are looking for the same qualities in a mate, we want someone who feels like a protector to us whether that be in height or strength (hence, all the viral videos of girls refusing to date a man under 6' feet). Someone who can provide for us, which is typically found in a certain financial bracket (house, car, stable job etc.) and someone we find attractive. To the majority of us, those three things would be at the top of our checklist… the problem here though, is only about 1% of eligible bachelors meet that criterion and here’s the kicker, those 1% are the same 1% that the other 99% are trying to shack up with.
Why would that group of men settle down right away when they have women throwing themselves at them left right and centre? They wouldn’t. They have the luxury the rest of us don’t have in taking their time and breaking the hearts of the ladies who don’t meet their criteria along the way.
That, in turn, creates a lot of bad experiences for these women who feel played (because they often were) instilling deep-rooted insecurities, jealousies, lack of confidence and a desperation to prove themselves to these men. Wanting to be better than your competition and spending far too much time obsessing over what could be and the rejection that follows in many cases leaves you damaged with nothing but more issues to deal with down the road.
The result of this hard-to-win battle tends to leave many women feeling bitter and hesitant. The cherry on top is the patterns it forces us to become accustomed to from a pubescent age. These patterns have continued to follow me well into adulthood. So much so that I frequently find myself trying to create conflict when things are going great… simply because I was so conditioned into having extreme highs and lows, that when things are stable, that isn’t love. Not to me at least.
For many women, we reject nice-ness because it’s too easy. There is no rush. There is no rejection followed by intense feelings of validation when the man who rejected you starts leading you on again.
I believe that the above is a large reason why women are attracted to “bad guys” and feel easily bored with the “nice guys” who genuinely want nothing more than to give them everything they want.
Jasmin Laine
